Focusing On My Baby’s Firsts Is How I Get Through The Lasts

Every “last time” with my baby steals a tiny piece of my heart. And, as it turns out, I usually don’t even know it until it’s gone, and I’m left with a dull and unexpected ache to take the place of something I’ll never experience again.

So sometimes, to make peace with the ache, I daydream about the firsts.

There will be a first time my baby will kiss my cheek, and a first time she’ll say “I love you.”

A first time she’ll run to the potty intuitively and tell me she doesn’t need any help.

A first time she’ll grab a book from her little library and sit down to read on her own.

There will be a first time I’ll get to cheer her on from the stands, or the sidelines, or the audience.

There will be a first time for an almost-grown-up conversation, when she’ll tell me about her passions in life, and when I’ll suddenly understand just how she’ll shape the world.

A first time she’ll lay her head in my lap… as she cries over her first broken heart.

And what a gift it will be to share these precious moments with my child.

But, we mamas pay a price for these beautiful firsts.

We only get them because of what we’ve lost.

The littleness.

The time.

A whole childhood.

So I want to focus on the firsts — I HAVE to focus on the firsts.

It’s the only way I can get through the lasts.

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