I Want To Be The Girl Who Lives

I want to be the girl who waits outside at the first slow rumble of thunder, ready to dance in the rain.

I want to be the girl who stays awake to gaze at a field of diamonds in a midnight sky… a sky so deep and so vast and so void of light that we’ll never uncover its wonder or its secrets.

I want to be the one who wakes up at dawn, knowing that when all is quiet, I get to feel the presence of love and holiness in my soul, rising up with the sun.

I want to gasp in awe at the sight of the ocean, no matter how many times I’ve seen it. I want to dream about all the worlds and all the mysteries that are separated from land by a seemingly bottomless chasm.

I want to be the girl who belts out songs and prays with passion as I drive on the open highway. I want to drive and sing and pray without a planned destination — because I know it’s about the journey.

I want to be a girl who feels genuinely beautiful in whatever I’m wearing, at whatever weight, with whatever makeup made it to my face that day. I want to believe — really, truly believe — that my kindness, my spirit, and my quiet confidence radiate a natural beauty that far surpasses all the superficial “beauty” I’ve sacrificed for.

I want to be the girl who’s overwhelmed by the beauty of the ordinary. A gentle breeze on a crisp autumn day. River water crashing into rocks and rushing over. A newborn’s tiny feet and her powdery-sweet scent. The smells of funnel cake and cotton candy wafting by, as the carousel moves up and down. Bright lights and carnival music making everything okay, just for a little while.

I want to remember that no matter how I’m feeling about stepping out in the rain, there will be joy in the dance.

I want to see it all, feel it all, learn it all, love it all.

I want to be the girl who LIVES.