Let’s have a difficult conversation. This is tough to say, but you have to hear it.
Ready? Here goes.
You need to forgive her.
It’s true. She’s hurt you, and she’s hurt others. You don’t have to forget her mistakes; honestly, it’s better to hold her accountable. But her heart is truly good. And remember, forgiveness is healing — it’s transformative. Come on, friend. It’s time to let go of the resentment.
When you’re ready, give her another chance.
Not just a second chance or a third chance. Sure, she’s spectacularly flawed, and she always will be — she’s human. She’s trying. She’s trying really hard, in fact, and she does a lot of things *so* right. So give her all the chances.
You’ve got to show her some respect.
Why do you expect so much of her? Don’t you see how much she gives already? Don’t you see everything she does? You have no idea how much your approval matters. It’s important for her to see that you think highly of her, that you believe in her. So…believe.
Give the girl a break.
Her days are full and exhausting. She rarely gets a moment to herself. She needs time to hit ‘reset’ every now and then — she needs to get some rest. Make sure she knows that she deserves it.
Always encourage the fun.
What is life without the whimsy? Let her be playful. Let her be silly! Cheer her on as she dances, as she sings, as she laughs. Remind her to laugh often, from the belly, and let the laughter fill the room — and your heart. You have a blast when she’s not too serious. You genuinely like her.
Help her savor the joy.
Life is overwhelming, you know? And she has been through *so much.* Remember? It can be lonely, she can get sad, sometimes she’s anxious, or worried, or scared. But wow, when she’s joyful? Life with her is a delight! Just help her hold tight to the happiness. Help her remember that it starts from within.
You must show her kindness.
You’re so kind to everyone else. Do you think your words don’t hurt her? Of course they do, friend. She has feelings, you know. Big ones. Even — no, especially — when she stuffs them away, when she hides them. So please, be gentler. Kindness is one of the greatest gifts you can give her.
It’s also time to give her grace.
Yes, grace — unearned favor. Maybe she didn’t follow the path you wanted, maybe she falls short of your definition of success. But in giving her some grace, you’ll be shocked by what you see in her. You won’t believe how spectacular she is…how much she has actually accomplished. Things that will matter when the rest of this is gone.
Tell her that she’s beautiful.
She may not be as young as you’d like, or hit your ideal number on the scale, or sparkle like she used to. Or maybe you’re just not seeing her properly, because she is truly stunning, both inside and out. You know what, in fact? She’s a *masterpiece.*
And then…forgive her one more time.
She needs to be reminded that you’re human, too. She’s harsh with you; she’s impetuous and sometimes even cruel, when she would never treat anyone else so carelessly. Forgive her for that, and you can move on.
By now, you might know where this is going.
Good! You’re ready. Look her straight in the eye with confidence. Give her a reassuring nod and a smile. Let her know you value her — you see her worth. Boldly speak those affirmations. Take a deep breath…exhale. And let go of everything you’ve been doing to stifle her joy.
She’s right there, ready to mend and nurture your relationship. She’s right there, waiting for your acceptance and your love.
She’s right there. In the mirror.